I’ve been around for an amount of time considered by human mind. I don’t remember when I realized I exist nor when I understood I shall also, eventually die. My mind trained in philosophical ideas of life, death and realities, anchored in time when much we experience now was mere fantasy. And today, human minds speculate all is just in the mind.
I don’t remember when I discovered there is a body to connect to and experience through, but feelings of ecstasy, beatitudes of sunsets, orgasms, floating in the sea, holding my babies first in this world, dancing, running through the forest – all this and much more expanded my vision to grasp the beyondness and surrender to the Infinite. I am Infinite. I am experience.
Unconditional Love. Who knows how I got to this idea?! Might be the poets or the romanticization all media been pouring in our minds while growing up;
At least I had access to diversity and checked out as many points of view, with curiosity, some may be karmic attractions, books and later all-mighty internet. The programmes being given, mentioning appropriate astrological tendencies, I exercised my freedom by disconsidering standard material emancipation in society and decided to run away from home with first lover. In an attempt to fit in, we got married and one year later, birthed my son in hospital, lived by ourselves an A4 life of job routine for my husband and devoted, yet teen mom, myself.
Hunger for experience stayed within me these years and I started to “work” on self programming. At that point, through direct perception, with plenty of information previously acquired by inference, I got more and more fascinated of the realization of self.
When I started my path of love practice, I believed we shall be together forever, all was magical and special and I held on to the concept of unconditional love.
The inner dissonance between the devotion for my earthly love relation and my own god-becoming led me to trying out a new direction.
So I left, with the 5 yo kid, to a western society. I tried again to fit in. Got terribly depressed and left once again my family, who was supporter for a normal, typical, sort of frustrated slave kind of life.
A walkabout of one year represented a very free time of my life, sleeping where my legs would lead me, on the ground, under the stars. Of course, universal balance brought to my freedom the meeting with an older man, experienced wanderer, but very jealous and paranoid. Coming from a marriage with 7 years of sexual loyalty, my general behaviour was factually quite reserved, so was no coherence in his view on reality from my standing point, but overall …he was exhausting. It was a lesson about how different we can perceive the meaning of same elements, putted together in contexts, he being convinced of his visions, while for me the stories were not real. Also I have gradually started to question the conditioning between the lovers, trying to figure out with my own compass, even that adjusted epigenetically, how there can be established as good or as bad act, to flow with a person when met, same as did, but differently, with the one with whom lately been living as lovers. What morals can claim we should not feel love with someone new because we feel love with someone for years meanwhile?
But can we love more people in the same time as intensely and exhilarating as it feels to hang out with someone identified as some sort of soul-mate?
Some talk about “the one”, the perfect match for each. But is there such thing actually?
I love my children unconditionally. All 3, each infinitely much. I did not had to share my love between them, I just felt love for one more and one more.
I had to share my attention but we also created different contexts in a bigger family, such that care and growth was of a community.
Most of the people live together as couples while they are not practicing their status all the time. They have jobs and friends and relatives, hobbies and interests according to individual treats. A pair of two is acting as a unity just a few hours a day. Than it is quite easy to manoeuvre inside the relation. Same with the families with children, as they share ultimately a small fraction of their time in a full party of enjoying togetherness.
People have relations of all sorts and actually live together also at jobs with their bosses and at schools with their colleagues, we administrate the shared space and decide the activities we shall perform during our spending time.
So when it’s clear that we are social beings and function well in community, it seems unnecessary to claim monogamy.
Throughout history, depending on the circumstances, people had various directions to explore human interaction, and love have been equaled both exclusivity and agape. It seems obvious that people have the ability to love, but the mind seems to root in some trauma the extension of such feeling to more than one lover or more than the biological family. Why? We seem to give a privileged position to one chosen individual, who shall hold all our expectations and be guaranteed a high amount of availability … we compete to be that one for some one and we believe it is something of a winner when the other one chooses against personal feeling and we also swallow our frustrations, in a wicked play of morals.
So… if we follow what feels in the moment, staying conscious of the great connection that is produced at that particular interaction, it seems to me that it is not an animalistic behaviour to share love and time and space with ones who resonate.
My personal evolution passed through this self inquiry about how unconditional love can be lived in practical community.
When I met the father of my daughters, it became obvious how each had to live certain experiences and get to special understandings in order for us to cross our paths, all that is turns out creating, composing each moment…all the time. As the quantum physics nowadays theorize: all time exists all the time. So future can influence also flow of past. Not actually a flow, but may be more like a photo of a fractal at a given frequency. And consciousness is free and infinite to vibrate entropically, however and all possibilities.
We saw the potential of LOVE. We felt it easily. Resonant melodies. Danced together so smooth, so lovely and joyful through time.
I said: ” fuck the system!” And moved into the forests. Birthed in the peace of our nests our babies and continued to love each other in each moment, without expectations and saying inch ‘allah to the futures.
And it was easy and simple, and we felt free and treasured love making as we met each time as separate beings coming into one god-like dimension, without attachments or demands, gifting each self to the higher experience of entanglement.
We lived almost all the time together, 7 and a half years, no jobs, but artistic creations, children to look after during nomadic times of world exploration and even getting to administrate some grounds with forest and water springs, retreated in the mountains.
Of course there are things we do separate, depending on the moment and mood, and kids too are doing stuff alone or by themselves such that there is also plenty of lovers ‘ time.
Luckily we live most of our lives outside, so the space is open and nature surrounds us, spirits can fly and neighbors are too far to empathize with.
It feels sometimes quite miraculous that we managed to sail through incredible adventures and challenges and still feel so inlove.
At times…it’s been only the two of us alone in some forest …. and some cold solstice it’s been 3 lovers ( + 3 kids and 2 cats ) inside one house… some days we spent playing kung fu and ending up making love… and some nights we sang and danced with people. We lived with people as brothers and sisters and intimacies of many kinds taught us human relations are complex and diverse and beautiful to explore.
Loving seems simple to do.
Living together a life of shared reality is more hard work for keeping zen.
During a trip to the far north, he met a woman with whom he felt fascination. We haven’t previously had such situation and our relation was quite lovely before that point, but the challenge proved out heavily emotional.
I was invited to meet her and we talked about love. She had traumatic experiences in her past and was dwelling with emotional and intimacy related stress. I opened to love her and we lived with her for a while, made love together and woke up side by side , took care of the kids and made lots of polemics about how to actually love and live in the new formula.
The traditional way holds fundamentally the ideas of promises, expectations, limits and demands, locks the love into an institution called marriage and claims ownership over the other person’s life, body, way of being. How often I notice the depersonalization of the individuals caught by loyalty in an unhappy existence…
While, when Love is Free, it makes more sense to be joyed by the meeting, as it feels it happens between conscious human beings and not some programmed dummies who censor their own lives.
Sexuality is a big debate nowadays and everyone rushes to state their way while wants to be accepted and included and loved.
To love with more people and to make love and even live close to each other is still an experiment as we seem to have gotten dogmatic and don’t hear our hearts so clear.
Some people feel that sex is the natural way to meet, they mate in any context and don’t value much the variant of each person, flow like animals and don’t live much time with any of the dates. They take freedom with a big spoon of unconsciousness and the interactions are shallow, still intimacy can happen and who can even define the limits and styles of love.
If love meets intimate communion and people meet as lovers too, they can dance in million ways!
With sex, comes also the ego with its proprietary behaviour, lust and attachments, power and weakness.
People can meet to devour their own cravings or to compose a symphony of sensations and amazing experiences, if they hunt the discharging final feeling, than the other acts as a generator for self satisfaction, while when we play together with the bodies with no attachment to a pleasured outcome, it can happen awesome synchronicity and intense sharing of same sensations, the energy is built together, not lost, but a love transmutation that shines upon everyone in the dance for as long as we like.
When we started making love all 3, egos started to collide.
Me and him had this amazing connection that we can manifest when making love. In a triad interaction, we assumed it would be even more exciting, but there were very different approaches and personalized perception of relation itself, as me and him used to practice kundalini sexual transmutation and our babies happened with universal synchronicity in a love flow of no will nor rejection. But in the new relation, she desired a baby. Planned and prepared. He was happy with the possibility but somehow this idea took over the love making and all shattered with him pressured by different needs of focus and energy, until we crashed in fights and sorrow.
I was acting jealous, demanding, inpatient. She was claiming direction, development of relation upon her guidelines, inpatient.
Six weeks of purgatory.
I was, at times, recalling the principle of unconditional love, but could not apply it. Had expectations, built by the long relation and found it hard to not condition living together. Shouting I love them unconditionally but asking for their love in return was a confused way, even more when it’s 3 people who try to meet each other.
We cried a lot. Each ego on his own language, his own frustrations and attachments, instead of letting love be free and simple.
Each one wanted “that way”. She required more security than me and him have considered before. Suddenly, we were all actively adding new rules and needs in the relation.
The platform for communication became Minecraft to build such connection that would satisfy through confirmation, with guarantees that things head the wanted way and only approved behaviors to be interpreted as love, while pure, free, authentic interaction was almost devalued into oblivion.
I was becoming the opposite of what I previously believed in and no longer knew how was coherent to relate myself to my lovers. More I freaked out and feared my way of action, the deeper in the attachment and panic I would fall.
I returned home. He stayed with the younger daughter a couple more weeks, intending to meet with her deeper.
I went through drama, depression, physical discomforts, lost weight and crooked my spine. That far the attachments can get! Each of them two also passing through their own hell. We did not reach peace either after his return due to the devilish invent phone. It sort of locks the owner in a position of availability, like a receptor meant to be accessed whenever desired. It might be also a fantastical god invent for it works for the Akasha and connects people in different circumstances, with individual surrounding and distance against the sense of touch. We are still all connected. Phone is ego against ego in favour of no walls, no doors, all for all, not my body and your body, but mirroring in need for reassuring reality, especially at a human relation level.
So we shouted all ego trips and suffered disappointments in an invented story about love, while love was kind of forgotten on an upper shelf while we got distracted by struggling to describe it. How we conditioned!
Here we were, me and him, hours of days, days in raw, fighting on the phone with the lover far north … until I had a revelation and zoomed out. It was endless deception. I stopped talking on the phone. They continued talking for a while but collided their egos. Interrupted the communication on the incredible device and the muddy waters slowly settled.
Me and him, he and I, met.
Shaked off the new programs and devoted to the moments of present and presence in the moments, of love felt purely.
The unconditional factor of the feelings is not to doubt, love persisted and evolved along with us, in a greater perception, and we now connect even deeper in all that can be between lovers, somehow in awe to conscious love, feeling of being that feeling together with someone who feels the same.
We met more people on the way and each is a treasure. We talk sometimes with her far north, but now there aren’t any claims nor complaints.
Eventually… there might be more unexpected situations of connections on impulses of whichever vibration and cannot actually decide if it makes sense to say No to experience that feels right….because someone else expects your availability all the time.
Somehow, unconditional love includes the idea that I’ll be there for you whenever and always and still it has to be in resonance with my freedom of being in a context I choose; we cannot keep the people by our side all the time. The world is full of people.
We are romantic enough to feel sufficient in a relation of the two of us, but also there lays the flow of personal experience and all as is now is in its place.
I try to not give so much verbal manifestations to complicated emotional spectrum, so I can say only: I love you!
Not: I trust you to…, want you to…, I believe…, I expect…, I need…
This selfness is maybe labeled as self love, but I still find it peculiarly egotistical.
Because if I care so much of this ” I “, that I invent every moment, it is a strong attachment if this character and it would probably lead to suffering.
So it sounds optimal for me to love and live as it is only that moment valid. Real. And keep awareness that its reality is merely a dream. So to let it go beautifully, as we are not the screen on which the images are projected. To play passionately and authentic but to remember it’s only a role.
So now we are sitting in grass. Sun is setting. We look in the eyes and there is love sparkling in between.
I don’t wonder if this will last till the end of our days and there is also the possibility that the scientists make humans immortal during our life time so all is now unexpected. I don’t want anything from him. Nor her. Nor anyone. What can there be sure or secure anyway? Love is giving, not taking, not even asking for, nor bragging of how much you give.
The more free we feel in our relationship, the chances to hang out for long increase, cause this lack of conditioning makes it somehow easy, when “the object of love” is no object and it doesn’t need any promises.
Love can be made by mixing joy and serenity with the soothing and exciting merge fullness of the bodies and selfs into consciousness experiencing through matter and sensorial perception.
All that happened brought wisdom and lifted us to the unconditional feeling, a relation itself between states: Of human mind, body, emotions.
I couldn’t know if the communitarian way of living together more than 2 lovers is in fact simple, cause all the aspects of the nucleus shall be rewritten and even in love making it seems more complicated, distributed focus and synchronize more than 2 frequencies….
we thought we can do it…since we were doing so well sharing life of some time… but we crashed realities and concluded the most coherent way is to have personal space and shared space as individual and as part of big family.
Not a triad marriage. With even bigger expectations and more egos to satisfy.
Polyamory is about allowing the people to meet other people as open and honest as they can be, it enables the practice of freedom by being thyself without old restraints as we actually seem to desire intimacy to break all fears between people and walk around with our hearts in our hands.
The individuality is not lost and each fractal is kept precious because each human variation is beautiful at the given moment and it is true that we can feel drawn more to one frequency than another, but again…it happens anyway just every day standard life… than we simply spend our life together as it flows,
in each other’s company, as long as it resonates.
We figured out for us is valuable the connection we have, the feelings we share are so high and the experiences are so intense, the synchronicity of our beings can be very strong and the presence of the other deep inside the hearts, so we understood that other connections are not threatening it, that we share different our time and space and focus, but that all can be met and loved and welcomed as we are gods of love, able to expand the bubble of paradise and embrace the beauty in anyone.
We can love and devote and be god with the god inside the other, can feel love consciously in present moment and there is clear that there’s no need for ruling over, the beauty of resonance can be seen at people living together and the empathetic touch from a boyfriend reduced pain in woman , study finds, we can love choose it unconditional, and we may be able to do that with all that is and rise our condition to a lighter one, in a state of ecstatic relation with not only one romantic connection but to amplify the devotional view to all.
Yes, it sounds all hippie but the vibes turn out relevant at the latest researches, so I ask now, why not to be loveful? Why to keep on drawing borders between everyone and everything, regardless of creating puzzle pieces or fragments and we cry not fitting in.
In a world of free beings who can be in a state of conscious love, humanity would give focus on authentic interaction and social development without the psychopathic power tripping egotism.
My answer to all remains LOVE.
Why do people fight? It ain’t love there in the background of war. It’s fear. And separation. And dogma. Attachments. Competition. Ignorance. Like two or however many brothers or lovers who fight over the driving wheel of the boat instead of focusing love on the sailing such that all management is composed of coherent interaction, we can all be singing happy while with love winds in the sails…
People would have less time for ego plans if they would be making more love;
humans are now conscious enough to be able to work with kundalini energy and instead of a society either as messed as the modern ones or so limited as an aboriginal one…humanity could live in harmony if they would actually just choose unconditional love and freedom to enable peace and rise vibrations by opening each heart and mind to a different, deeper, as meaningful and meaningless as any relation, with anyone around.
Society can reform, romanticized programming shall give in to the authenticity of each moment and person, structure can expand love fractal to the whole and we can be freed of attachments, expectations and rules, loving at our highest power while the other meets where we resonate.
Same as life and death, we can choose to love as it is the experience, knowing it can go to infinite or can dissipate into nothing.
Each dies alone but somehow relations don’t vanish with the body. Love goes beyond. May be a coherent way to give life the purpose of love, for may be is the frequency that really meets and connects realities to the common essence, that it even seems to be itself love….
As I try to LOVE and LIVE as pure present and embodiment of consciousness, authentic love shape shifts to higher sophistication, that is the simplicity of loving, feeling love, being love, no reasons nor meanings ever required.
And such beautiful melodies!